Ariana Madix is speaking out for the first time since her ex Tom Sandoval and their Vanderpump Rules costar Raquel Leviss both apologized for a months-long affair that ended Sandoval and Madix’s nine-year relationship.

Madix, 37, shared her candid thoughts via Instagram late Wednesday night, writing, “hi. where to begin? i want to express my most sincere gratitude for the outpouring of love and support i have received from friends, family, and people i’ve never even met in the last two weeks.”

She continued, “when i have felt like i couldn’t even stand, you all have given me the strength to continue and seen me through my darkest hours. to say i have been devastated and broken is an understatement.”

“however,” she added, “i know that i am not in this alone. so many of my closest friends are also grieving this loss right now and reeling from this betrayal on so many levels. i am so f—ing lucky to have the best support system in the world and i hope i can repay every single person for the love you have shown me.”

She concluded, “what doesn’t kill me better run. love, ariana”

 

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A post shared by 🌙 Ariana Madix 🌙 (@arianamadix)

Madix discovered Sandoval, 40, had been cheating on her with Leviss, 28, on March 1 when she saw “inappropriate” messages between the two on his phone while he was performing with his band Tom Sandoval & the Most Extras in Los Angeles.

“She was completely blindsided by this; devastated doesn’t even scratch the surface of how she feels,” a source told PEOPLE days after the discovery. “This is someone she thought she knew; someone she planned to spend the rest of her life with. You can’t even put into words that betrayal.”

Sandoval copped to the allegations on March 7, posting an apology post to Madix on his Instagram page. (It was the Schwartz & Sandy’s co-owner’s second apology in four days — the first mea culpa did not make any mention of Madix.)

“I want to first and foremost apologize to everyone I’ve hurt through this process,” he began later on Tuesday. “Most of all, I want to apologize to Ariana. I made mistakes, I was selfish, and made reckless decisions that hurt somebody I love. No one deserves to feel that pain so traumatically and publicly.”

He continued, “I can only imagine how devastating this has been for Ariana and everyone around us. I feel really horrible about that. My biggest regret is that I dishonored Ariana. I never meant to disappoint so many people, including our loving families and friends.”

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